It’s Been A While…

I haven’t posted anything in close to a year, and I’m not even sure why.  I would think about it, I just could not seem to find the spirit to write anything.  The name of this Blog is “Thinking Out Loud”, so obviously it concerns the things that go through this brain of mine.  However, if I had written anything about what was going through my brain over this last year, it would be a mess of mumbo-jumbo.  Don’t think so?  Continue to read…(side note: all Bible verses are from the KJV, which I have had and studied for 40+ years)

  • Maybe Flat Earth is a thing?  I don’t feel like I’m moving at a high rate of speed while strolling along here.
  • Why is the word “fryingpan” in KJV Leviticus 2:7 and 7:9?  And shouldn’t it be two words?
  • Did they really have “cottages” in Jerusalem during Isaiah’s time?  Isaiah 24:20 seems to think so.
  • Why can I sit outside at night time and watch the moon slowly travel across the sky with the stars?  Shouldn’t it be moving at a different speed than the earth is, or the stars?  Maybe Flat Earth is a thing?
  • Who is Q?  Is it a group of people, or just one person having a good time at people’s expense?  Is this a set-up?
  • Did the Lord’s Prayer never say “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”?  What prayer have I said almost nightly for 40+ years and why was it taught to me like that if it wasn’t what Matthew 6:9-13 actually said?  Why not just teach me what the Bible actually said?
  • “Spain” is in the Bible in Romans 15:24 and 15:28?  Seriously?  How odd that seems.
  • Why should people think it odd that my two sons, in their 20s, live in my house with me and my husband?  We have enough room, they have their own floor and bathroom (a must!!).  Where does it say at a certain age that families must split up?
  • Why are the stars in the same places year after year if we are all spinning through the galaxy at rates of speed different from them?  Yet there they are.  Orion’s Belt, The Big Dipper, Venus, Mars.  And the astronomers can tell me exactly when and where I can see them in the sky.
  • I think I fell down a Rabbit Hole, where up is down, and nothing I though I knew makes sense.  What if Flat Earth is a thing?
  • Why is the word “presidents” used in 5 different places in Daniel 6:2-6:7?  I am losing my mind.
  • Psalm 96:10 states “…the world also shall be established that it shall not be moved…”
  • Is the Bible saying the earth is not moving at high rates of speed through outer space?  Is Flat Earth a thing?
  • The word “stuff” is in the KJV Bible 13 times?  Genesis 45:20 “Also regard not your stuff; for the good of all the land of Egypt [is] yours.”  My brain is on overload.

This is just a small sample of what goes through my brain on a daily basis.  How is it possible to sit and write short essays on what I am thinking, when I am not sure what I am thinking?  At the very least, it is not possible to have a conversation with anyone “normal” about these things, because they immediately start to argue how wrong I am, and that this is all crazy talk.  Family, friends, my husband…the list grows longer each day with the ones I no longer have the “what if” conversations with, which is kind of sad in a way.

My conclusions thus far?  I am not a conspiracy theorist, I prefer Critical Thinker.  Things that make you think outside the box should also make you curious enough to study and research, even if it turns out that you (I) am wrong about some things. And maybe, just maybe, Flat Earth IS a thing.

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Sometimes I Wish…

I could just be myself.  Not finding it necessary to explain my actions or thoughts about things all the time.  I want to be able to just be.

I had the talent to draw or paint.  I have pictures in my head that have no way out.

I lived on the beach.

I had asked my dad more questions about his childhood.  And had taken the time to write down or record the stories he did tell.  Add Grandparents to this as well.

I had continued with guitar lessons.  But growing long fingernails was my teenage dream instead.

I had finished college.

I had more time to cook meals like they do on The Food Network.  I want to make my own pasta.

I was more energetic, but Fibro has finished that thought for me.

I have a lot of “wishes” but none of them include working longer hours or spending less time with my family.  Life is too short to be wasted.  So I plan on making the time to learn to cook more, maybe paint, photography, spend more time with the people who matter.

Baruch haba b’shem YWHW.

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Does Your God Have a Name?

For the first 40-ish years of my life, I believed in God.  I prayed to God, asked for comfort or praised God, sang to God, just as the rest of my family did.  We went to a Baptist church (except for the period of time I rebelled) and did all the things we were supposed to do.  What we were taught to do from the preachers and the Bible.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as far as religion was concerned.  I was active in my church, and was part of the Ladies Group and helped with the teenagers.  Several uncles and a few cousins are preachers, I can only say it is a very religion oriented family.  I’ve said all that to explain I thought I was well versed in God.  And then I started to read the Bible for myself, not just what I was told to read, but to actually study the Word.  That is a life-changing action right there.

Once I found the Sabbath and the joy that comes with keeping it, I used my  Sabbath time to study.  What I found was amazing.  But what I couldn’t figure out is why my God didn’t have a name.  HE was the creator of the universe, all mankind, nothing exists except by His Word.  Proverbs 30:4 says “…who hath established all the ends of the earth?  what is his name, and what is his son’s name, if thou cast tell ?”

All other gods have names.  Ba’al, Molech and Apollo are just a few of the names of other gods mentioned in the Bible.  Molech is listed 8 times in the KJV Bible by name.  All of the other religions on earth have names for their gods.  Names have a very special meaning for things.  Using a name creates a personal relationship with someone.  What if you went through your life only being called man, woman, wife, husband, girl, boy, clerk, waitress, etc?  Those are titles or descriptions, but not your name.  You would not want to go through life never being called by name.  Everyone and everything has a name.  Except the Lord God of the universe, the creator of all things?  That made no sense at all to me.

We are to have a personal relationship with God.  It is the most important relationship we will ever have in this life.  We serve Him, praise Him, worship Him, believe on Him, thank Him, and most people never even stop to think that they never call Him by name.  They call on the Lord God, and the Bible tells us he has many titles, but what about Him?  How personal of a relationship can it be if He is not called by name?  Does this make Him sad, to know that He is only called by a title?

My God has a name and it is YHWH.  I worship the Creator of the universe and call on Him by His name.  I follow His word and strive to keep His ways, as I try to live as  Yahshua taught, the only Begotten Son of Yah.  Baruch haba b’shem YHWH.

Does your God have a name?

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Are All Prayers Equal?

This is the thought that has crossed my mind more than once.  There is the reason behind the question, just bear with me.

Say a family member is sick, or going through something difficult, anything along those lines.  You are praying for them.  But you also go through either a prayer line or post on social media for a special prayer request, even as a unspoken request with no names mentioned.  Most of the time, people will respond with “praying” or something like that.  Which is wonderful, as praying is a special gift that all people can do, no matter their religion or beliefs, which is what most of us are taught.  From this comes my question.

I am a Torah Keeper.  I don’t have an exact name, like Baptist, Catholic, Hebrew Roots, Mormon, etc.  I follow Torah and keep the Sabbath, trying to live as close to Yeshua HaMashiach as I can.  There is no religious name or title I am comfortable identifying with, as I do not agree with all of their beliefs, especially about the law and commandments.  Do I condemn them?  No, because as Philippians 2:23 says…”work out your own salvation with fear and trembling”.  It is not for me to say I am right and someone else is wrong.  If you are convicted your beliefs match YHWH’s word and the Bible, who am I to disagree?  I can only live my life in the way I feel is the way YHWH leads me, with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) as my guide, and my life as my witness.  But I have gotten side-tracked.  Back to the question.

I have asked for prayer requests many times for myself or others who are in need.  But if I do not have the same beliefs as the ones I request prayer from, does this matter?  If I even think a little that their beliefs are not on the correct track, that their Messiah is different from mine, that they are praying to idols, or anything along these lines, should I be asking for their prayers?  Does it matter?  Are all prayers equal?

This is a serious question.

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I am a Fraud

Who am I? I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife. I have been divorced, widowed and remarried. I was born in the 60s. I work 40+ hours a week, even with Fibromyalgia. I almost always follow all the rules. I am polite, well-mannered, quiet and shy. I can be sarcastic and ironic when I am comfortable around someone. Normally, I do what I am supposed to do, with little dissent.

I am a fraud.

I do not let people too close, or tell others what I am really thinking, because the real me may upset them. I have found that I do not think like most others do about everyday, normal things. The things most would not even question, I find myself on the opposite side of the main stream thought. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. Only with a handful of people do I let the real me come through.

I am a fraud.

This was a harsh realization for me to come to about myself. I look around and find myself wondering if there are many others out there like me. Who feel they must keep thoughts and feelings to themselves so as not to upset the world around them. If you ask how I am doing, or how I feel, chances are great I will respond with “fine”. “Everything’s fine” should be my tag line of life. I will quote random movie lines, respond with sarcasm, or completely change the subject to keep from answering that particular question.

I am a fraud.

Did it become obvious in 2008, when I stepped away from the Baptist faith and became a Sabbath Keeper? My family was quite certain I had joined a cult. I no longer thought as they did about religion. Who was this person, suddenly keeping Torah and following the law, no longer eating pork, studying on the Sabbath and no longer going to a church on Sunday? How did she come into existence? What does she think she is doing? How does she reconcile this “new” way of believing to how she was raised? What happens now?

First of all, this particular post is not about religion. This is about finding myself. Who I am now is the most comfortable version of me, for me. I like myself. Let me repeat that. I LIKE MYSELF. I no longer think that if only I did things differently, or said something, or didn’t say something, that everything would be the way it is supposed to be. Because I have realized, everything IS the way it is supposed to be at this point in my life. No, it is not perfect, but it is my journey. Many people have helped me get to this point, some without even realizing it, but they can’t make the journey for me. Only I can do that. And my journey sometimes takes me out of other people’s comfort zones. I no longer do everything I am expected to do just because it keeps others happy.

I am a fraud, who is coming out of her shell.

Watch out world…


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Why Keep the Sabbath?

This is a question my family has asked me many times.  I come from a Baptist family and until 2008, that was the church of choice.  I was active in my local church, worked with the teens and was in a ladies study group. Actually it was the study group that brought me to where I am today.  We were doing a study of Jesus’ life and how we were to live like he did.  WWJD was everywhere.  This was our goal.  And so I started to prepare for my turn to lead the weekly study.

I didn’t keep the Sabbath, I had been taught that Sunday was now the day to worship.  I didn’t have to keep the law or study Torah, because all that had been done away with when Jesus’ nailed the law to the cross.  I could eat whatever I wanted, because Jesus made all things clean.  I could do what I wanted, within reason of course, through the week, as long as I asked for forgiveness during church services on Sunday.  The list goes on and on with these type of things.  Several of my uncles and cousins are preachers, so if this was not the truth, they would have told us during their preaching on Sunday.

Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.  The more I studied Jesus’ life, the sadder I became.  I was nothing like this person I was studying.  He was a Sabbath keeping, Torah reading, clean eating, tallit wearing, commandment keeping, law-abiding Servant of the Most High whose name was Yeshua.  He followed every law and commandment given in the Torah.  He followed His Fathers instructions perfectly to show it could be done.  He kept the Biblical feasts and traveled to Jerusalem for the feasts that were to be kept there as well.  He was the role model I was taught to strive to be like, and yet I did none of these things.  Not in the way he did.  What had happened?

I prayed for God to open my eyes.  This began a long, slow un-learning process of what I thought I knew and a deeper study into the life of Yeshua.  This has enriched my life more than I ever thought possible.  There is a love from YHWH and Yeshua that I was missing until I was 40 years old.  It is a deeper love than I could ever have imagined.

I started with something simple.  The Sabbath.  A day set aside to rest in YHWH and study his Word, to rest from the trials of the week, and spend time with our Heavenly Father.  It was difficult at first, because Saturday is the day we go shopping, to ball games, to catch up on the chores we have left from the work week, and on and on.  When am I supposed to do these things, if not on Saturday?  But once I stopped and just began to follow the Word, the guidelines HE set up for us, I found that if I rest on Sabbath, I have more time and energy to do the other things during the week.

The Sabbath was not set aside or changed to another day, no matter what someone says or teaches.  And keeping it is a blessing like no other.  Try it once or twice, and see if YHWH will speak to your heart about it.  There is a reason HE set it aside for us.

Malachi 3:6   For I am YHWH, I change not…

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